What Jealousy Taught Me
I used to be jealous.
Not in a resentful way, but in a
longing way.
A noticing. A witnessing.
An ache that whispered, “I want that too.”
I remember being young, watching the boys play footy.
Not just play, but be celebrated.
Their teams had whole communities backing them.
Cars packed with chairs and tents.
Mums cooking meals to sell at fundraisers.
Uncles and brothers showing up, even when it was 38 degrees.
Crowds cheering wildly, even when the boys weren’t playing that well.
Jerseys were blessed. Teams were prayed over.
There was ritual. Ceremony. Pride.
And I remember thinking,
Where is that for us?
Not bitter. Just aware.
Aware that they had something I wanted.
Not the game. Not the glory.
The
belonging. The backing. The belief.
The kind of network that lifts, protects, remembers.
Years later, I went to university and saw it again
but this time, not on the field.
I watched how the “old boys” looked after each other.
They had played sport together.
Then studied together.
Then worked together.
Then hired one another.
They made the calls that changed careers.
A quiet referral here. A “leave it with me” there.
A job before it was even advertised.
I was jealous again.
Not because I wanted
their place
but because I wanted
that kind of system.
A network that didn’t let women start from scratch every time.
I caught myself saying,
“This is why women don’t get the big jobs.”
“We don’t have networks like that.”
“We weren’t set up like that.”
But eventually, I got tired of repeating that story.
The jealousy wasn’t telling me to resent what they had.
It was showing me what we could build.
Now, when I feel jealousy
I don’t shame it. I
study it.
It is showing me something I want to experience.
Something I want to create.
Something I want to gift to others.
Because jealousy doesn’t always say “they have what I don’t.”
Sometimes it says, “they are proof it can be done.”
And that means
I can build it too.
<3

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